Romance, Bromance, Womance, or let’s just stay friends?Saturday, February 4, 2017
Romance, Bromance, Womance, or let’s just stay friends?
Is Romance dead? In my world it’s in a state of frozen animation as my other half doesn’t believe in cut flowers (“they’re dead as soon as you cut them”), or cards (“waste of money as they’re binned after a few days”) & I’m participating in Sugar Free February for Cancer Research so no chocolate! I’d settle for a meal out, but we like to be spontaneous but most good places are fully booked weeks in advance & I’m currently counting the calories carefully. A night in front of the telly, it is then with a bottle of sparkling water & heart-shaped poached eggs on toast!
So, what if you don’t have a ‘Significant Other’ with which to share the love on Valentine’s Day?
All is not lost as there is always Bromance or Womance!
The most current public Bromance received publicity when President Obama left the Whitehouse last month. In his farewell speech he gave a touching tribute to his Vice President Joe Biden & demonstrated, unashamedly, the close relationship the two men had.
Geri Horner (former Spice Girl) named her first child with husband Christian Horner, Montague George Hector as a tribute to her close (late) friend George Michael. They shared a close heterosocial relationship when he was alive. It seems gestures & tributes replace the sexual aspects of romantic relationships.
Our brains are amazing entities! When we find ourselves in a sexual relationship, or any kind of ‘omance, our brain release chemicals into the body: Dopamine gives us that ‘feel good’ factor; phenylethylamine raises excitement levels; serotonin creates a sense of emotional stability & epinephrine brings on the feeling that you can do anything.
Occasionally we experience a ‘Brain Chemical Drought’ & seek other ways to fulfil the need for a close human relationship. Some turn to drugs, alcohol, gambling & excessive habits – all of which have the same effect as the chemicals the brain releases. Nothing wrong with this providing we don’t become dependent on them or become addicted to the uplifting feeling they give us. Lampposts are poor substitutes for a human relationships as the song from Madness shows. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjFcfh9HijA
Having a friend, being a friend & being part of a friendship should be an uplifting experience. If it’s not, then it’s time to change their status from Friend to Acquaintance & look for someone else (not something else) that makes you happy.
- Listen to understand instead of waiting to get your turn into the conversation.
- Small gestures & tributes strengthen a relationship. Keep them simple, low cost & relevant
- Build trust. Establish a ‘what’s said in the room, stays in the room’ agreement for when personal things crop up.
- Ask yourself “what is the reason for this person being my friend”. Answer honestly & act according to your personal values.
- Your time is precious so plan time to be with your friends & make that time quality time. 30 mins focused is better than 60 mins with you checking your phone every few minutes.
- Don’t judge your friend. They are not you. However well you think you know them, you are not inside their head.
- Be generous! Time, skills, knowledge. Not money though! Many a friendship has been ended over £sss.
- Authenticity is the key. Always be yourself.
- Remember a friendship is not all about you.
- Reflect on your friendship regularly. Are you giving & receiving? Are you happy & having fun? If not, it’s time to re-assess the relationship.