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  • How to transform yourself from a battered Doormat to a luxurious Persian Rug.
    Friday, April 13, 2018

    How to transform yourself from a battered Doormat to a luxurious Persian Rug.

    Being the Department or Family Doormat is no fun! People take advantage of your good nature & dump their work load on you, volunteer you for the worst jobs, use your precious time asking for advice that will help them, not you. They walk all over your feelings because they consider theirs more important than yours.

    Why do some people let others walk all over them? It’s not necessarily that they have low self-esteem (although that may be a factor), it’s because they are wired to ‘GIVE’.  By the time we become adults and have a job, a career, a family we have established our set of values and only a life-changing event will alter them.  Our values determine how we behave. At this stage in our lives, if we are a ‘GIVER’ it is very hard to re-wire and convert to be a ‘TAKER’.  How would that serve us?  Poorly, I suspect as we would be working against what makes us tick. Going anti-clockwise instead of clockwise!

    There are two outcomes for ‘EXTREME GIVERS’

    ·         Burnout – they give so much of themselves that they become unfit, mentally &/or physically for the role they love doing.

    ·         Low self-esteem - they give so much they become vulnerable & a target for even the weakest ‘TAKER,’ who will manipulate them.

    So you’re an incurable GIVER?  You want to keep GIVING but don’t want to become a Doormat.   Here’s good news for you! You can carry on GIVING, even give more than you do now. You can take on more jobs, take on more roles, listen to more people etc. You just need to GIVE differently!

    Instead of giving selflessly (this is reserved for the likes of Mother Teresa), give to get something back.  Don’t sell your soul, barter with your happiness.

    Take on more work, but make sure it’s a task that you will get some pleasure from, something that aligns with your values.

     It’s OK to reward yourself.

    If you get paid for doing a job, what are you going to do with the money?  Tell yourself that (for this particular task) you are going to allocate that part of your wage to treat yourself to something that makes you happy. The treat may be for yourself or for someone else – whatever makes you happy.  Yes, I understand you have financial obligations but even setting aside £1 for a chocolate bar can be a reward

    Take on extra jobs for the good feeling it gives you or the opportunity it provides to do something you really enjoy.  Look for the reward and feel good about it.  There’s no need to feel like a rough coir Doormat choked up with other people’s discarded mud.  You can feel like a soft, silk, luxurious Persian rug.