When was the last time you had a good cry? I can’t remember the last time I cried because I was sad. I mean really cried not just leaked a little. I can recall specific historic times when I had a good bawl – relationships ending, parents dying, pets dying, being a failure, the list could go on. Letting it all out was something very private & it didn’t leave me feeling better as they say it should. It usually left me emotionally drained & full of snot which took a long while or a good blow to disperse & with red, puffy eyes.
I recently heard that my Uncle had died (keep reading, it gets happier, honestly!). I hadn’t seen him for many years but kept up to date of what was going on in his life. We were ‘family’. Not close family, but picked up the relationship whenever we did meet like there had been no separation. I did not cry or weep at the news of his death. I was saddened for those who were closer to him than I had been.
My husband was shocked when, that same day, whilst watching an episode of ‘Call the Midwife’ I shed a tear when Barbara (a lovely Midwife married to the local Vicar) died. Although Barbara was a fictional character, I felt I knew her better than my Uncle. I was involved in her relationships with her husband, colleagues, friends & patients. Even though she wasn’t a real person, I related to her, probably because (like a good book) the script is well written, superbly acted & set in the time I grew up in & it seemed real whilst I was watching the programme.
Our brains can’t distinguish between what is real & what is imagined. So the stronger emotions I felt when Barbara died had more of an effect on me & were more real – so I shed a tear. Remember the national reaction when Princess Diana died? People who never met her were in the streets distraught & overcome with grief because they related on a strong emotional level with her.
These days, I am more likely to cry with laughter than sadness. These tears also leave me emotionally drained (physically drained too, as laughing does pull on one’s tummy muscles!). Snot is an issue here, too! It gets caught up in the nasal passages & the larynx so when you’re laughing & breathing in at the same time, it chokes you. For some bizarre reason this intensifies the process; more snot is produced > you laugh more > you choke more > the excess tears blind your vision. The logical thing to do would be to stop laughing, but for some inexplicable reason you’re compelled to flap your hands around in a vain attempt to reduce the consequences of finding something hilariously funny in the first place. So, the cycle continues until every last bit of strength is drained from you. In the final throes of happiness you give the big sigh to acknowledge the moment is, finally, passing…………… then you start to giggle all over again!
v It is OK to cry when you’re sad & upset. It is not a sign of weakness but proof you are human
r the sadness of your loss & re-live
the happy moments
v After you’ve blown your nose & got your breath back, take a big sigh, then do something active that will occupy your mind, even if for only a few minutes
v Know that it’s OK to smile & even laugh
R.I.P Uncle George!
As always, if you, or someone you know, is having trouble with emotions – get in touch with me. I can
help you feel better. I will
help you feel better providing you let me. I do
help people feel better.
S was feeling sad & angry after cancer treatment. They didn't want to feel negative & take what had happened in the past, into the future. I have helped them draw a line so they can remember what they went through, but not let the negative emotions affect what they do in the future. Their future is bright & positive!